Losing You, Lost Me
by Elle the Brat
Summary: Second part to Losing You. I'm telling you all that this is far from the point of Losing You. Kaoru goes for a walk while Hikaru's out, ends up traumatized, and forgets about it. Gee, can you tell I'm a bad writer?


There are times where I wish I had done things differently.

Oh, sure. I wish I didn't join the Host Club, I wish I wasn't a twin, I wish I didn't get sick when I was little, I wish I wasn't weak when I was little, so that Hikaru could've had friends. There are a lot of things I wish I didn't do.

But, no. This was one of those times I wish I'd done something, instead of not doing it.

Instead of setting them up on a date, I should've let things go naturally.

Instead of leaving my cell phone at home, I should've taken it with me.

Instead of going to the poorer part of the commoner's world, I should've stayed home.

Instead of going down a back alley, I should've stuck to the main street.

…Instead of kicking down the fire escape ladder, I should've just not come here.

Or maybe I should've not pissed off people with guns.

No, I definitely would've been better off at home, wading through my thoughts and trying to figure out what drugs I was on when I decided my brother needed a love life. Without me in it. Anywhere. At all.

…Imagine, little baby Hikarus, running amok, causing chaos. Hikaru was good at chaos. I think he would've become one of the popular kids sooner if I hadn't been dragging him down. He just had that air about him- the easy-going cool guy one. The one that I was, quite clearly, lacking.

But that didn't matter then. I was being chased by men with guns. _Big _men with guns—a whole _squadron_ of big men with guns. I couldn't take them all on by myself. For one thing, I didn't exactly know how to fight by myself. I had always had Hikaru fighting right next to me, but at that moment, there was no Hikaru, no Hitachiin twins; just Kaoru the Rich Boy who was about to become Kaoru the Rich Boy With Many Holes in Him. And for another—well, they had _guns_. I'd last what, five seconds?

It was a good thing I had learned to run fast when I was little. Bullies are rather good exercise, if you get right down to it. Really! I learned how to climb trees and not fall off, how to hide, how to run, how to get up and run if I was still breathing, how to call for help _and_ how to beg for my life! A lot more than what I've learned from teachers, but a lot less than what I've learned from Hikaru.

So. I was on top of a run-down building, about one hundred feet in the air. I had kicked down the fire escape ladder (that was rusty and barely supported my weight. I thought I was going to become Kaoru the Rich Boy Pancake With Holes in Him. It was _lots_ of fun. Everyone should have the experience of thinking that they're going to fall to their bloody deaths at least _once_ in their life) which meant that short of finding a parachute or having a friend's helicopter conveniently pass by, I was stuck. Good thing was that the big men with guns couldn't get up or shoot me from the ground—but they could shoot me from the next building, as I soon found out.

I can't remember much of what happened, I think I was too scared. I know that I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, and that I was crying. I'm not too sure if it was crying-crying, or just my-tear-ducts-are-going-spastic-on-me crying. Actually, I can't remember crying. I'm just guessing because I found liquid on my cheeks and it wasn't raining.

…At least, I _think_ it wasn't raining. My clothes weren't wet, so I suppose it wasn't. Or were they wet? When I really think hard about it, I get confused.

Anyway. I had somehow managed to get behind a large metal _something_. I don't know what it was; only that it was big and looked like a vent. Eventually, the men gave up and went away. I was sitting down by that point; legs tucked up to my chest, my head on my knees and my hands over my ears. I know that I was shaking pretty badly; I can remember the noise the metal thing made. It was the same noise the air conditioner in our tree house made at home when we tapped sticks against it.

And yes, "we" is Hikaru and me.

I don't know what time it was when Kyoya's family police found me. It was dark, and the moon was out. I heard the helicopter before I saw it, but I was still in shock from before. I still had my hands over my ears, so all I did was stare blankly as it came closer, not registering it. I didn't move as Kyoya jumped out, running towards me. It was the first time I had seen him look concerned, but I wasn't in the position to say anything about it. Everything became too much when he was just a few feet away from me, and I just started hyperventilating. Everything was pushing in on me, voices were amplified, shadows rose and did dances, blending smoothly into each-other. Kyoya's face melted, his eyes growing and shrinking to insane sizes. He morphed into a grinning skeleton, maggots and beetles crawling out of his now empty eye sockets. I choked out a scream, pressing myself against the metal thing and sobbing hysterically. Later, Kyoya told me that I was yelling desperately for Hikaru. Wouldn't surprise me if I was; he was the only one who stayed the same when I had attacks like that. They were far and few between, the last one happening when we were seven, but he had always been there, had always just stayed Hikaru. That he wasn't that time terrified me; I started thinking he was dead. Apparently I started clawing at anyone who tried to get near me, screaming that they'd killed my brother.

I don't know how they did it, but they managed to knock me out. Maybe someone snuck behind my and hit my head; maybe they used a tranquilizer. Maybe I just passed out. I didn't bother to ask after I woke up, and I keep forgetting to now.

---

I was in our room when I did wake up, which made me think that it was just a dream. The clock on my bedside table told me that it was 2:27pm, which would mean that Hikaru should've been home from his date soon. I had felt guilty for not being awake to count down the other minutes, and promised myself to make it up to him later. It didn't matter that he wouldn't know what I was trying to make up for; I did it all the time. It was normal.

It wasn't until I tried to get up that I realized my leg was hurt. I thought that maybe I had picked up Hikaru's habit and kicked the bed post in my sleep. But once I focused on it, I realized that there was something on my leg. It felt like a bandage, but I shook it off as me having tangled myself up in the third sheet again.

My back was aching dully, too. I didn't have an explanation from that, other than the possibility that I had slept in the wrong position.

With a shrug, I stretched and swung my right leg out of the bed, shivering at the slight temperature change. When I tried to move my left leg, however, I found that it was still tangled. That was odd, seeing as how the trapped leg usually came free when the other was out. With an annoyed sigh, I threw the covers off, blinking rather rapidly as the third sheet went flying with the other two (and the blanket, might I add) off the end of the bed. I hadn't expected them to go that far, especially with my leg having been trapped. Which had then reminded me of the leg in question. It still felt like it had something wrapped around it.

I frowned and looked at it. It took me a few seconds to register that there was a sterile white bandage wrapped firmly around my calf, a few small specks of red decorating the otherwise plain medicinal cloth.

Then it dawned on me; Hikaru must've been upset that I had fallen asleep and decided to prank me. Granted, his pranks were usually better than this, but I just assumed he had decided to cut me some slack.

"Hikaru?" I called out softly, hoping my brother was still in the room. I didn't realize then that I couldn't really get my voice to go any louder. When it became obvious that I wasn't going to be graced with a reply, I sighed and reached to my right for my cell phone. I wouldn't take off the bandage myself; I'd probably end up wrapping my arm in it. No, I'd call Hikaru, apologize for falling asleep, and then ask him to remove the bandage so that I could go to the toilet.

When my phone was finally in my grasp, I flipped it open and dialed Hikaru's number. Naturally, we knew the other's cell number and ring tone by heart. What surprised me is that he picked up on the first ring—I thought that he would've made me wait, seeing as how he was supposedly mad at me.

"Kaoru?" My twin's voice demanded from the other end. I heard girls chattering in the background, and idly wondered if Hikaru had gone downstairs to talk to the maids. But, no. Those girls didn't sound like our maids. If anything, they sounded like—

"Hikaru, what are you doing at the Host Club?" I croaked, clearing my throat afterwards. I hadn't realized that I'd sound so bad, like I hadn't had a drink in ages. Something crashed on the other end, and I heard something porcelain breaking. After being in the Host Club for a while, you know what's breaking by the smallest noise. However, the crashing I couldn't identify. It sounded pretty heavy, but I doubted that anyone would be able to—or would _want_ to—tip over the sweet cabinet. The only plausible item it could be was a table, but I couldn't find a reason as to why someone would knock over a table. Maybe our Lord had knocked over a chair in his haste to "defend" Haruhi. But, no. It sounded too close for that, and last I knew, Hikaru and I had our customers on the opposite end of the room to him.

Hikaru was saying something fast; it sounded pretty urgent. I didn't realize he was talking to me until he was almost shouting, demanding that I answer.

"Ne, Hikaru, how am I supposed to say anything with you throwing a fit?" I protested weakly when he finally paused for breath. Silence, then;

"I'm coming home."

Well, that was alright by me. I wanted some answers, like why wasn't he on his date? Why was he at the Host Club on a Sunday? What had fallen over earlier? Why had he sounded like he thought I was dead on the phone?

And why wasn't he letting me hang up?

"Hikaru, I think I should hang up now."

"No! Keep talking, please Kaoru!"

At any other time, I probably would've ignored him and hung up anyway. But he sounded so desperate, so close to tears that I couldn't bring myself to.

"Kaoru? Kaoru!"

"What?"

"Please, please, keep talking."

"I don't know what to talk about."

"Anything! Everything! Please, just _talk_!"

"…Hikaru, I can hear the car in the driveway."

"Good! Good! Just—keep talking!"

I blew out a big breath of air and leant against the headboard, tapping my fingers on my thigh.

"Howmuchwoodwouldawoodchuckchuckifawoodchuckcouldchuckwood?"

"What?"

"Hey! You're the one who won't let me stop talking!"

"I'm almost there, Kaoru!"

"I know, I can hear you on the stairs. Can I hang up yet?"

"No!"

The one syllable word was accompanied by the door slamming open, soon followed by an older twin brother attaching himself to me and raining kisses upon my head.

"Kaoru." He kept saying, over and over. I just sat there, confused as the day Hikaru decided that we were going to go skinny dipping. Neither of us had known what it was, so we had gone around asking all of the adults at our parent's party. We were banned from the pools for two weeks after that.

"You're alive." He muttered, about two minutes after the kisses stopped. I snorted against his chest, which my face was pressed upon.

"I won't be for much longer if I don't get any air." Hikaru's grip loosened and I managed to bring my head up, breathing deeply once my head was free. It was then that I noticed the tears sliding down his cheeks. Concern and guilt ganged up to slap me in the face, and I put my arms around his neck as an automatic reaction. It was something that was ingrained into each of our minds, just like the one where he buried his face into my neck and quietly cried.

I don't know how long we sat there, holding each-other. Hikaru was clearly an emotional wreck and I was too confused to do anything other than offer what comfort I could. Eventually, the tears stopped and my twin's breathing evened out.

"Oi! Don't fall asleep on me!" I muttered, meaning to yell but not being able to.

You have a shot at having your twin exhausted and on your lap! You'd feel so bad for them that you'd want to let them sleep, even if it meant that you wouldn't be able to go to the toilet.

"I'm not." Hikaru replied in a whisper. He stayed there for a little while longer, obviously gathering his thoughts, before raising his head to look at me.

…The sight of Hikaru was the single most terrifying thing I'd even seen in my life. He was pale—more so than what we usually were--, too thin, the skin under his eyes was dark purple in colour, his eyes blood-shot. Despite him having taken time to get himself together, his eyes were still shining with desperation. I didn't know what he was desperate for until he lifted a hand to stroke my hair. Leaning forward, I rested my cheek on his shoulder and nuzzled his neck.

"I'm here, big brother." I said firmly. Normally I was the one who needed this sort of comfort, but I was willing to give it to my brother. He needed to know that I was there and that he was there, too. That it wasn't a dream, that we were both safe—from what I couldn't tell—and that we were both separate beings, both the same but different.

Yes, we've had our fair share of identity crisis's, inferiority problems, and just about everything else. According to Hikaru, I still have my inferiority issues. I think he just has a superiority complex.

"I know." Hikaru breathed, lifting his other hand to run his fingers through my messy hair. I half-expected him to break down again, really. The way he was acting was just so odd. Like I had just come close to death or something.

"Hikaru, what happened?" Well, I do have more tact than him. I wasn't about to just come out and ask why he was acting all weird and stuff!

"You don't remember?" He pulled away, causing me to scowl at the lack of a warm head-rest. His school uniform hadn't smelt like washing powder, it had smelt like him and now it was _gone_.

I decided that I wanted it back and tried pulling him forwards again, but he wasn't budging. With a sigh, I shimmied down the bed. Believe me, it's quite a feat to accomplish with your older brother sitting on you. I managed to get it so that I was lying on the bed, my head propped up on pillows.

"If I remembered, would I be asking you what happened?" And would I be wanting to know why it was a week day, why I had a bandage on my leg and why was I asleep during school?

"I was just checking."

"Well, don't. Get off, you're sitting on my bladder."

In this new position, he was. With a snort, he moved backwards to sit on my crotch.

"That's not any better."

"You scare me half to death and I get to inflict pain. It's fair."

"No, it's not. You scare me half to death daily and I don't get to inflict pain on you." Most of the time.

A few minutes passed, in which my bladder began protesting.

"Look, Hikaru, if you don't get off and help me to the toilet, I'm going to piss myself."

Not two minutes later and I was in the bathroom, being supported by Hikaru. I had asked why I had a bandage on my leg, and he had said something about it being injured. I figured he wouldn't lie like that to me, so I shrugged and accepted it.

Once I had relieved myself, Hikaru brought me to the sink where I washed my hands and got my first look at myself.

"The Hell!"

---

I'm not going to say what I looked like, other than I was black, blue, yellow and green all over.

…At least it explained the pain in my back.(1)

---

Hikaru had had a good snicker over me, before I made him tell me why we both looked like crap. All of my previous tact was gone, along with sympathy. Once again, shock was controlling my body and I was trying not to hit my head against the sink.

Yay for me, my dream wasn't a dream. Huzzah. Can't you just feel my joy _oozing_ off the page?

Yes, I bet you can.

---

(1)Lying on bruises is just about the most annoying thing in the world.

A/N- I _told_ you all it was far from the point of the other one. 3,048 words all up, urge to continue but not sure how long the chapters are allowed to be.

…This I don't think I can just leave there. Well, no, I could. But it'd be nagging at me for weeks.

But I still could. I will, in fact. Until I get bored again.


End file.
